Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in eeviloctopus' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, October 6th, 2005
10:27 pm	*SPACE* House hunting is fun! and if by fun you mean your ass gets numb from sitting in your car from driving around all day, calling people, meeting people touring shitty over priced houses then yeah...thats fun. BUT...one place in particular has a LOT of potential...3/2 on 3 ACRES! Holy shit...the best part is...it's right in the middle of fukkin town in a place you would never imagine, down a street you would never drive down, but of course...I happened to. Space for the babies to run and frolic and the kitties to roam. Speaking of kitties, I may soon have one less kitty *sniffle* I should be getting more meds on Saturday with a follow up visit so we'll see, I am doing everything I can. I really don't wanna elaborate on that =/ On other fronts, Fantastic Amazing Guy is fixing to gear up =) We have 2 main characters modeled (and cloth done on one) as well as my ancillary C-Men, assorted city scapes, vehicles with more on the way and tons of props, of course all of it needs textures which I am going to actually try and tackle. Need to get the prelim script looked over and let whomever start revisions, it's times like this I really miss living with a writer. Works suck but everyday I'm closer to that dream ;) (or was it a nightmare? night terrors anyone?) Too tired and loopy for much more... Current Mood: drained Current Music: Da Gorillaz bitches! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 23rd, 2005
1:36 am	Float on.. MMMMMMMMMMM....17.5 hr day and I get to come home to clean up doggie doo doo and my room mates mess...I know I have to clean the doggie doo doo, the other should know better. Oh well... Finished another successful month, 2 more classes done and over. It's refreshing when they know your name by the end and thank you and shake your hand (the ones that matter). I barey made it thru this month, but alas, I maintained a shred of sanity...only a shred but it exists nonetheless! Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
1:43 am	these aching bones.... The Me is tired....I don't know why I always end up writing on this thing but damn it, after days/weeks/months/year like this, it genuinely makes me feel better. Full moon which means my energy level is erratic at best and my emotions run wild, which always bring thoughts of her...the Goddess of the Dawn, the bringer of Chaos and the truest partner in crime I ever had. Interesting days to say the least. Back to working 2 jobs trying to save up enough money to move with the Keremy and the Angela and hopefully try to get ahead, my only lament is for my babies who get a LOT less attention. It was ok working 2 jobs when they had someone else at home to keep them company and help take care of them. God forbid anyone else in my household take initiative, then again I could be wrong. All I can hope for is that in the long run it will pay off. So job #1 has me working til 1 am and job #2 has me working at 7 am...for the record this shit sucks, I'm cranky and tired, SoBe adrenalines and Monsters my mistresses these days, and they are whores (Sugar free tho!) I am working on all new skill sets, I still find time for the gym and pretty much quit A LOT of the self destructive behavior that kept me down for so long, and it feels good. I spoke to one of my ex gf's today and I thank God/Goddess that I never married her, it's one of those "What the hell did I ever see in you" situations and we both agreed. She found my behavior "changed" from when she knew me and didn't believe my celebacy, most people don't but oh well. We still took cracks at each other like we always have and then we ganged up on her husband, it was a pretty unique situation, we all laughed until she told me about one of the kitties I gave her died of cancer at the ripe age of 6, yes 6. I still remember finding this kitten with my friend Cody and the hell I went through adjusting that cat to the already existing ones I had. So thats my rant, I just needed to get a few things out and vent a little. House hunting, feuding with my apt complex, working 2 jobs, a full moon and everything else is just taking a little bit of a toll. I get to sleep in some (not that the babies ever let me sleep in past 6 or 7 am regardless of when they go to bed) so it should be nice to at least be able to go back to bed for a spell. I was encouraged to free my Big Dog's ashes before I moved which I will probably do relatively soon, maybe I will give someone a chance to do the right thing and not be a pussy about life but then again, I haven't been impressed yet. I'm not even going to get started and I am going to stay positive and jovial =) Oh yeah, Coldplay concert was most amazing, I could have thrown a rock at Chris Martin. They put on quite a show and he's a fookin goofball. The company was good but could have been better if people would stay true to their convictions as opposed to letting fear rule their lives and dictate their actions. Enough about that as well =) Happy thoughts! Read....sleep.....mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Coldplay-Talk (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
1:33 am	High and Dry Ahhhh good ole Livejournal, how I missed thee. I am sorry I neglected you but it's easy to get caught up in the Myspace junk, and frankly I have been so busy and exhausted that I havent had much motivation to write. Since last I wrote on this thing (except for my little rant) I've been across the US, all over Cali to the top of mountains, seen glaciers and stars, oh the stars, the Milky Way and satelites and done things I have only dreamed of (yes I took pictures which I am still sorting). In this time I have had a chance to gain a little different perspective on a lot of things, namely my life, it's direction and the importance of people in it. Come November I am defintely getting out of this hell hole apartment. WAY too many memories, both good and bad, way too many dissolved organics in all kinds of places and way too little space for my Crazies. I don't know what is going to become of my Crazies but I am not abandoning them that's for sure, they have had enough of that. The cats will probably become outdoor cats (depending on where I move and it's proximity to main roads) and the puppies just need a yard to romp in, a momma and they'll be fine. Will my roomate be joining me? Who knows. He wants to move closer to Disney where his social life is yet he works 6 miles from where we live right now. He'll figure it out all on his own I am sure but when he has to make that commute to work everyday, especially with gas prices going the direction they are he'll be hating it. Ahhh and speaking of gas, I am simply waiting for it all to go to hell. Anarchy, chaos and utter confusion. I hope all you dumb mother fuckers with your Hummers have to push it into a gas station just once with all your screaming kids inside. I already got my bike from my folks house, fixed up the shocks and tires so I am ready for if I gotta grab the bus or even bike to work, although biking 6 miles in the Florida heat is gonna make for a stinky instructor and I really dont want to be biking back at 9 PM or 1 am but I'll figure it out, always do. All I got to say is when it all comes down I'm ready and it will amuse me. Speaking of work, that has been interesting. I have my own office and a faux sense of importance, kind of like one of those "DO NOT REMOVE UNDER PENALTY OF LAW" tags on matresses. I must say it's nice, my officemate is absolutely wonderful and I am right next to the other Devil's Rejects I work with (and I have started migrating my toys to my office). I truly do have my boss to thank for it, he does his best to take care of us and I am thankful. I duplicate dvds and hopefully if they implement even a fraction of the program my partner and I will be proposing things will change for the better and God forbid...we may actually do some good. Bureaucracies being what they are though, I am already anticipating more red tape and obstacles than I have ever encountered. More to come on that, there's a prelim meeting on the 14th of Sept, not quite striking while the iron is hot but I am trying to think of it as more time to strategize, damn my impulsive nature! ( I am really trying to curb it!) Hmm what else...took my first drug test today for a PT job, yes a drug test, for a shitty 20 hour a week job go ahead and keep laughing.Part of me hopes i fail it although I have been clean for a little while now amazingly (and it feels kinda good). It was really quite amusing though, you go in and some guy in a lab coat makes you empty your pockets and take off your hat. The look on his face was priceless as I was emptying my pockets, now anyone that knows me knows how much shit I keep in them from lighters to my knife, etc etc. When I was done emptying them he chuckles and says, "Are you sure that's everything MacGuyver", and pull off my knife and lay it over eveything else in my cap, his look changed a little. Hey buddy laugh it up but if there was a situation you would be very mother fukkin glad I had all that shit in my pocket if I had to patch your space suit with bubble gum and Visine while fending off rabid tool wielding talking space monkies who are bent on taking over the galaxy to make it their version of a Disneyland. So yeah, all that for a freaking part time job. They make you sign a million forms including a checklist of everything you just did and I noticed on the form the Lab guy was supposed to smell it for odor to which he responded "They don't pay me enough to smell urine", can you blame him? Times are tough. It hasn't been a dual income household around here for some time and things have been REAL tough. I have had to get resourceful and quite innnovative, I have come to the realization that meat is fukkin expensive and ever since I have cut down/almost eliminated my consumption of it I have saved a shit ton of dinero. The only time I eat meat at home is if someone comes over and I cook a pork loin or chicken or if I get cold cuts which I usually reserve for lunch now. Needless to say, I have learned to survive quite well on legumes, veggies and cheese. Celibacy defintely has it's ups and downs. It has been a few months since I...*cough cough* have been with anyone and I can honestly say it has been by choice and enlightening. I have weeded out all that unnecessary crap out of my life. I have remained friends with Jessie since she has proven she is a wonderful friend whom I can count on but the women whom I truly love in my life are something else; one could care less if I exist, live or die, too wrapped up in her own "fecklessness" to even be a caring friend. Heh, I remember driving down the road discussing how we sincerely cared about each other as human beings and would remain friends regardless of circumstances. I swear I remember that conversation like it was yesterday, where we were, the street, the trees, the sunshine coming through the trees, the surroundings, everything and I honestly don't know what hurts worse, the utter disregard they have shown or the fact that I believed in that person and in what they had to say as if their words were genuine. I am though trying and honestly I should have given up long ago when I saw their true character. I know I may have been a monster at one point but I was also a prince and a savior, or at least I tried to be. No malice was ever intended and I think it was just lack of communication and misdirection which I thought we were going to try and clear up but again...that story is getting old. All I can say is it's sad to have no respect for someone you love and that is truly the tragedy of it all. Now the other love in my life whom has been wonderful to me since day one is moving back to Tennessee to tend to her ailing mother for whom I am afraid time is short (Polio survivor and congenitive heart failure) and I must say...I am devastated. I am quite proud of her for confronting what will most likely be the most difficult and painful situation she has ever had to deal with in her adult life, and doing so willingly, wothout a moment's hesitation. Now THAT is true character, true responsibility and someone I can TRULY respect, not someone who keeps breaking mirrors trying to be something they are not trying desperately to find a "better" option. I am going to try and show my support to her, show her I care. This woman has helped me through some of the most difficult and turmultous times of my life, she has shown me peace and true unconditional love and my biggest regret is that I expressed my love too late, all I can do now is try and prove to her how much I truly care. My biggest fear that she will get sucked back into that hell hole of a town she grew up in. I threatened to burn it to the ground if she got sucked in, she deserves better. So unless something changes and unless I get smitten unknowingly I truly don't want anyone else and I havent been looking. I am enjoying the solitude, the peace, the time to myself and my Crazies. I am re-discovering things that have been dormant for too long, I find myself planning for the future and figuring out which road to take and how to get there. My productivity, energy level and motivation have been renewed and my faith in myself has been restored at long last. Maybe I'll get hit by a bus tomorrow and that will be my fate but at least I'll have a much clearer picture of who and what is most important to me. I always mean to write a paragraph and before I know it I have been writing and rewriting for hours and it's invigorating to get it all out. I got projects on top of projects to work on, mountains to climb and concerts to go to (Coldplay, NIN, Matisyahu) so the next few months should be interesting. I got a nephew on the way, more plans to make and new directions to head towards. Ok sleep now...me's tired.... Current Mood: calm Current Music: Aqualung-Falling out of Love (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 18th, 2005
4:18 pm	The Road to hell... They say the road to hell is lined/paved with the best of intentions. I have come to realize today that the one thing that has kept me in this town for so long is the one thing that has been poisoning almost every facet of my life.... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
10:17 am	Paper Promises are worth the paper they are written on....and some people aren't even worth the paper.... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 11th, 2005
12:44 am	Honesty Enema Let me start by saying I love my parents dearly but after spending this weekend with them I can see why I have some of the meotional problems I do. My father, whom I love dearly is truly a piece of work. A narcissistic, alcoholic who cares about one thing, himself, (hence the narcissism). So I had to endure him sitting at the table yesterday and today talking about how he doesn't love anyone and that neither of his children care for him etc etc etc. He also went on to talk about how he we have ever TRULY seem him drunk maybe once or twice in our lives. He really didn't like it when I told him one of the reasons I don;t visit as often is because I hate seeing him drunk EVERY time I come over, and I DO mean everytime, there are people who can attest to this. So this has always kind have been the status quo growing up and in my life, my miserable father and my angelic mother. Well what is most irritating of late is that it is finally starting to affect my mother, and she's slowly becoming this miserable tortured soul. My mother is one of the kindest warmest selfless people I have ever known and to see her finally picking up some of his traits is truly disheartening. So I have been a little tortured this weekend, not to mention depressed. I guess my pain was felt elsewhere because I had one of the most unlikely of phone conversations with one of the dearest people in my life, and it was nice. Honestly, today was probably the nicest conversation we have had in about a year. Let me just say, it made my day and brought a smile to my face. The moons seem to be aligning for the trip and I REALLY want to spend a few days with my sister. I tried to impress upon my parents the importance of visiting their 40 yr old daugther who is having her first child but as my father said "fuk her, why did she have to move so far" I was blown away at this. I want to show my support for my sister and at least spend a few days with her, she isnt the easiest person to get along with but a few days isn't going to kill me =) (I hope) Vent vent vent, whine whine whine....ok I am done now =) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 9th, 2005
12:31 am	for the record Homeless people who think they are Time Travelers are ok in my book! (Comment on this)
Friday, July 8th, 2005
10:51 pm	Angry the tired of captivity Panda Lemme start by saying I miss the miss Caroline. The Place feels MUCH better since tossing all that dirt and those 4 bags of garbage. Went to the MOMArt with Senor Ryan, Frank and Lynette this evening for First Thursdays and to see the Curious George exhibit (which is ok). So there is this little board covered with drawings done by kids. So the theme for the drawings is "Draw an animal you would like to see perform" which I just found kind of offensive. So amidst the flying frogs and dancing antelope now sits Ryan's "The Flaming Lizard" which is a lizard jumping thru a flaming hoop and well..apparently he missed the flaming hoops and caught blaze. So, smack dab in the center is "Angry, the tired of captivity Panda". Angry is my crayon rendition of a panda driven over the edge with nothing else to lose. Angry took out his trainer, 3 lovely children who were laughing at it and the janitor (who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time) before escaping clandestinely in a Mexican ice cream truck. We took pictures, (picture phones are evil) and if my phone would ever send it, I'll probably put it up on that myspace thingy. Met this amazing, sophisticated pixiesh artist creature tongiht and wow the Cali trip! The moon and stars seem to be aligning, so we'll see. I secured shelter for Ryan and myself with my dearest Amy for the one night we needed so that is good. My sister is being cooperative as hell and since this is the only time I am probably going to be with her while she is pregnant I am going to make extra time for her (with my Incredible [soon to be patented] Miracuolous Daymaker")! The Crazies are aalways a concern. I am working on one friend to house sit, there are so few people I trust with so much. When I do get support with them I SOOOOOOOO appreciate it that people will never know. In that regard thank u miss Caroline for making these past months so bearable (as well as many other regards!) These guys plus the cats can be a handful but I try to take good care of em. They just become a lil much at times, trust me I would just love to get up and do whatever I want, whenever I want, they make preparing for hurricanes interesting as well. We shall see! More to come... Current Music: Mr.Brightside-Killers (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
9:34 pm	bad vampire! My Dirt! I haven't been able to place my finger on it for the past months but today I finally realized that there was a lot of angry dirt built up on the balcony. Dirt that had just been held prisoner for too long, full of energy (if you believe in those kinds of things) which the cats defiled (the smell didn't help!) Well today I released it, must have been at least 50lbs of dirt. Gonna have to be resourceful getting new dirt ...and crafty. I left some of the dirt Caroline brought with her and replanted some of her plants, damn it tho, I don't have a green thumb. Her leaving was difficult, even Lil Ed confessed he missed her today. So this trip is gonna be rough, financially, physically and mentally. So help me though, I will find a way =) I might even get a chance to work on some PBS special out of it, maybe they even fly me home....mwahahahahahaha (Comment on this)
Monday, July 4th, 2005
5:00 am	yes yes y'all... Lesbians in Leotards and Beer...oh my! Caroline's last night out (in Orlando) and I smell of cigarettes and s...ummm...debauchery....and where the fuk did that Rose person come from? More to come I am sure..sleep imperative....motor skills compromised....s..s...s..s.s...h.h..h.u..t..t.t.in....n..n...g...down! (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 30th, 2005
2:30 am	and I miss... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 27th, 2005
1:45 am	Clarity... After wading thru the depths of my personal conundrums I finally have clarity, answers and understanding....now I am off to read the book my Little Princess got me, she is a special one and I dont think she'll ever understand just how special she is to me =) (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 25th, 2005
3:11 am	Random thoughts... As we traverse through life it becomes abundantly clear that it is really just an amputation of realities..."THe important thing in life is to believe, while you're alive it's never too late." THere are nights my beliefs wake me suddenly from a deep slumber in a cold sweat and heart racing. There is usually a brief smile until the reality sinks in. Belief is a powerful catalyst and perhaps a nectar to fools, lunatics and pariahs, I believe I fit the first. Is the alternative really better though? If one does not accept defeat does that make him foolish or defiant? Which is more noble? "Sometimes we live through things to say it happened, sometimes we live to beat the odds..." I have found that in some of the moments I have felt most "alive" what I was really experiencing was a little bit of death inside. Sometimes you do things simply beacuse you can, to feel "alive" which is usually our justification. This "life" we so desperately seek has to come from somewhere else though, a transfer of energies if you will. In my case it came from someone else's sorrow and ultimately someone else's pain (and not in the good way). The ramifications of that have been lasting and haunting, to this very day. Life has a very funny way of not letting you forget and as much as you try to forgive yourself there is always that pang of sorrow, loss and remorse. AFter situtations like these there is never truly any redemption, there is only understanding if you are fortunate. What one should do in a situation like this is try and figure out why we so desperatly need to feel "alive", or more along the lines of what are we trying to hide and or compensate for. It has been a little over a year since my skein unraveled, I still feel the pain, I still hear the fear and sorrow...sometimes it's easier to pretend a wound never exists than make an effort to try and heal it, it's all a matter of character. A true Lion would have stood proudly with their pride and never have abandoned it to slink through the bushes in comfort and fear with jackals, to feed on the scraps and leftovers when they all decide to poke their heads out of their proverbial holes. In the end, the day they finally decide to stand proudly and defiantly on their own, and their pride has moved on they will realize that there is no room for the lion in the jackal's den, and I quote a dear old friend of mine from almost a year ago in happier times ". It finally became apparent that sometimes love *is* all you need. The rest can be worked on...Besides, it is better to have fun than to not have fun, yes?" Lions stand proudly on the Plains, not hide in their dens. I leave for Californa in about a month and if I am lucky maybe I won't come back, for all the right reasons. One could only be so fortunate, but thank God or the Goddess my life has been touched and charmed thus far so nothing surprises me. Camping in N.Cali should be quite an adventure, kayaking, Mountain climbing and soul searching, whats not to like? =) I also started researching ITaly today, yes Italy...Tuscany to be exact, there is plenty of work in FLorence and a few Studios in Tuscay even and there is always the school route. Yeah I know it's nutty but the hottest it gets there is an average of 81 degrees in the summer months with a low of 62 and baout 11 inches of rain in the summer. Close enough to Florence to go see big acts (concert wise) if they come to town, vineyards, Cyprus trees, rolling hillsides and they pay tech jobs damn well. =) Current Music: Bowie-Life on Mars (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, June 10th, 2005
8:19 am	tee hee... I feel like I'm floating on a Tidal wave...and it's nice =) Current Mood: giddy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
12:23 pm	Back Well the Wheel keeps turning, crushing what it deems fit. I am not going to write a whole hell of lot but it has been an interesting couple of months since last I updated. Projects finished (that drove me nuts) and new ones started, new ones a lot more promising. Script writing is a long arduous process, especially since I am no writer. Times like these I REALLY miss the presence of one of my greatest muses, always with the sardonic, cynical wit as well as helping me rewrite things and helping with general ideas. Next projects show a HELL of a lot of potential, one Nick Jr potential (so says the agent) and the other is just going to offend as many people as we hope it entertains, but it will defintely entertain. I look foward to sharing them and Malcolm if still read this thing I may need your help! If you are going to LA in July/Aug I will defintely see you there. Needless to say I am tired of living like I do and I sam taking steps in the right direction. So the past months have seen loves come and go, friends come and go, excitement, betrayal, disappointment all leading to a general sense of much needed renewal and priority shifting to start lining things up. It "saw" a dear dear friend in the hospital, which I dared not visit directly for "fear of upsetting someone" but that also made me realize that my friendship isn't really valued, like a commodity to be discarded without a second thought when it's use exhausted so frankly I don't want friends like that, I am glad they are doing well and I wish them a speedy recovery, I sincerely wish I could have done more but I can honestly say that I am not the one with the issues, insecurities and have exhibited a modicum of maturity. But I have learned the value of friendship and I have learned what I would like out of one and that has steered me in the right direction since I re-prioritized. So what next? California in July & August, Siggraph and camping in N.Cali! We'll see what lies in store at Siggraph but I am defintely going out there with a different state of mind than last year and a few more friends to see. Camping for a week in N.Cali, maybe some kayaking and a revisit to Pt Reyes hopefully, although that's gonna be a sad sad sad one. Enough for now, I gots stuff to do! Current Music: Big O theme-Rui Nagai (Very fukkin random I know) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
12:22 pm	well whatta you know... American Cities That Best Fit You: 75% San Francisco 60% Honolulu 60% Los Angeles 55% Boston 55% San Diego Which American Cities Best Fit You? (Comment on this)
Monday, March 14th, 2005
12:43 am	Hell must have frozen over... What The Hell Happened Last Night? LJ Username What did you drink? You wake up in the morning next to: langsuyar ...who is wearing: a collar and leash ...and rolls over to you to say: Are you putting the kettle on? ...and then: nibbles your neck This cool quiz by joneccleston - Taken 169355 Times. </a> New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
6:37 pm	I have a very bad habit of chasing happiness away with a baseball bat...you would think I would have learned by now =/ (1 Comment |Comment on this)
6:36 pm	You are What Rejected Crayon Are You? (Comment on this)